一百年前那位坐标伦敦的丈母娘对女婿有哪些要求？
有一部剧逗笔者笑了好多年，它叫《真诚的重要性》，王尔德写的。
这里面有位讨厌的丈母娘，她生生打断了男主对女主的求婚现场，还当机立断进行了一场压力面试。
Lady Bracknell. [Pencil and note-book in hand.] I feel bound to tell you that you are not down on my list of eligible young men, although I have the same list as the dear Duchess of Bolton has. We work together, in fact. However, I am quite ready to enter your name, should your answers be what a really affectionate mother requires. Do you smoke?
Jack. Well, yes, I must admit I smoke.
Lady Bracknell. I am glad to hear it. A man should always have an occupation of some kind. There are far too many idle men in London as it is. How old are you?
Jack. Twenty-nine.
Lady Bracknell. A very good age to be married at.
前两个问题非常简单，可谓暴风雨前的寂静。其实重点并不是这两个问题，而是第一句话：跟我我们家的人都是伯爵夫人一类上流社会哦，我们一起制作了单身钻石王老五名单哦，但是上面并没有你也。
Lady Bracknell. …… I have always been of opinion that a man who desires to get married should know either everything or nothing. Which do you know?
Jack. [After some hesitation.] I know nothing, Lady Bracknell.
Lady Bracknell. I am pleased to hear it. I do not approve of anything that tampers with natural ignorance. Ignorance is like a delicate exotic fruit; touch it and the bloom is gone. The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound. Fortunately in England, at any rate, education produces no effect whatsoever. If it did, it would prove a serious danger to the upper classes, and probably lead to acts of violence in Grosvenor Square.
第三个问题，婚姻中的男人，要不就知道一切，要不就什么都不知道，你是哪一种？丈母娘大人太睿智了，一个家庭吧，财政、装修、丰富的情感生活、教育子女等，一个人做主就行了，另一个人最好什么都不懂，免得一山容二虎。
Lady Bracknell. What is your income?
Jack. Between seven and eight thousand a year.
Lady Bracknell. [Makes a note in her book.] In land, or in investments? Jack. In investments, chiefly.
Lady Bracknell. That is satisfactory. What between the duties expected of one during one's lifetime, and the duties exacted from one after one's death, land has ceased to be either a profit or a pleasure. It gives one position, and prevents one from keeping it up. That's all that can be said about land.
第四个问题，收入多少呀？丈母娘非常明白：不仅收入的金额重要，途径也非常重要。比如房地产吧，不景气，早晚断了收入来源；比如贪污受贿吧，风险太高，早晚抓进去；商业投资是最有前景的，小伙子不错呀。
Jack. I have a country house with some land, of course, attached to it, about fifteen hundred acres, I believe; but I don't depend on that for my real income. In fact, as far as I can make out, the poachers are the only people who make anything out of it.
Lady Bracknell. A country house! How many bedrooms? Well, that point can be cleared up afterwards. You have a town house, I hope? A girl with a simple, unspoiled nature, like Gwendolen, could hardly be expected to reside in the country.
Jack. Well, I own a house in Belgrave Square, but it is let by the year to Lady Bloxham. Of course, I can get it back whenever I like, at six months' notice.
收入过了自然是房子。更古不变的话题。准女婿提到，自己也有些土地方面的收入，分散投资嘛。可是丈母娘只关心土地旁边“房子”：什么？乡下有房子？几室几厅？额算了不管它。我希望你有个城里的房子，我们女儿城里长大的没去乡下受过苦，你们的婚房肯定不能是乡下的房子！小伙子自满地说，我有城里的房子呀，租给一个老太太了，随时可以收回。
Lady Bracknell. Lady Bloxham? I don't know her.
Jack. Oh, she goes about very little. She is a lady considerably advanced in years.
Lady Bracknell. Ah, nowadays that is no guarantee of respectability of character. What number in Belgrave Square?
Jack. 149.
Lady Bracknell. [Shaking her head.] The unfashionable side. I thought there was something. However, that could easily be altered.
Jack. Do you mean the fashion, or the side?
Lady Bracknell. [Sternly.] Both, if necessary, I presume.
然而，丈母娘却对租客的名字不满意：不是名人！肯定不是好地段的好房子！于是她接着问了房子的地段，并准确从地址中得出信息：呵呵，不受欢迎的地段。我还以为是浦东，结果是浦西啊。不过以你的收入，换一下没问题。
小伙子不理解“换一下”的意思，调皮了一下，问道：您指的是换到浦东去呢，还是等房价涨起来自然就受欢迎了呢？丈母娘坚定地回答：你可以先买个浦东的，同时按着浦西的不动等涨价呗。
Lady Bracknell. ……Are your parents living?
Jack. I have lost both my parents.
Lady Bracknell. To lose one parent, Mr. Worthing, may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness. Who was your father? He was evidently a man of some wealth. Was he born in what the Radical papers call the purple of commerce, or did he rise from the ranks of the aristocracy?
Jack. I am afraid I really don't know. The fact is, Lady Bracknell, I said I had lost my parents. It would be nearer the truth to say that my parents seem to have lost me . . . I don't actually know who I am by birth. I was . . . well, I was found.
Lady Bracknell. Found!
光有钱还不行！丈母娘问起了准女婿的出生：你爸非富即贵吧？小伙子说，我我我，我不知道我爸妈是谁，我是被拣来的。这时，空气中充满了，硝烟的味道……
Jack. The late Mr. Thomas Cardew, an old gentleman of a very charitable and kindly disposition, found me, and gave me the name of Worthing, because he happened to have a first-class ticket for Worthing in his pocket at the time. Worthing is a place in Sussex. It is a seaside resort.
Lady Bracknell. Where did the charitable gentleman who had a first-class ticket for this seaside resort find you?
Jack. [Gravely.] In a hand-bag.
Lady Bracknell. A hand-bag?
Jack. [Very seriously.] Yes, Lady Bracknell. I was in a hand-bag--a somewhat large, black leather hand-bag, with handles to it--an ordinary hand-bag in fact.
Lady Bracknell. In what locality did this Mr. James, or Thomas, Cardew come across this ordinary hand-bag? Jack. In the cloak-room at Victoria Station. It was given to him in mistake for his own.
Lady Bracknell. The cloak-room at Victoria Station?
Jack. Yes. The Brighton line.
丈母娘详细地了解了小伙子被放进一个手提包，被丢在了最繁忙的火车站，又被一个商人捡了抚养长大的故事，她震惊了，手也抖了，还重复小伙子说的地点，不敢相信她听到的是真的，随着小伙子说了具体的换乘线路，丈母娘爆发了……
Lady Bracknell. The line is immaterial. Mr. Worthing, I confess I feel somewhat bewildered by what you have just told me. To be born, or at any rate bred, in a hand-bag, whether it had handles or not, seems to me to display a contempt for the ordinary decencies of family life that reminds one of the worst excesses of the French Revolution. And I presume you know what that unfortunate movement led to? As for the particular locality in which the hand-bag was found, a cloak-room at a railway station might serve to conceal a social indiscretion--has probably, indeed, been used for that purpose before now--but it could hardly be regarded as an assured basis for a recognised position in good society.
她吼道，换乘线路关我什么事啊！你给我闭嘴！火车站！只有法国革命那些穷人养不起孩子才会丢在那里！这样的孩子配得上我们家孩子吗？！
Jack. May I ask you then what you would advise me to do? I need hardly say I would do anything in the world to ensure Gwendolen's happiness.
Lady Bracknell. I would strongly advise you, Mr. Worthing, to try and acquire some relations as soon as possible, and to make a definite effort to produce at any rate one parent, of either sex, before the season is quite over.
小伙子很受伤：那阿姨你说我该咋办？你让我做啥我就做啥啊，只要我女朋友过的幸福我什么都愿意啊。丈母娘说，我强烈建议你在十天内找到一些贵族亲戚，找到你父母！
Jack. Well, I don't see how I could possibly manage to do that. I can produce the hand-bag at any moment. It is in my dressing-room at home. I really think that should satisfy you, Lady Bracknell.
Lady Bracknell. Me, sir! What has it to do with me? You can hardly imagine that I and Lord Bracknell would dream of allowing our only daughter--a girl brought up with the utmost care--to marry into a cloak- room, and form an alliance with a parcel? Good morning, Mr. Worthing!
[Lady Bracknell sweeps out in majestic indignation.]
小伙子为难地说，怎么可能找得到！要不我把手提包给你看看吧，你肯定会满意的。丈母娘真是气炸了，拔腿就走，骂骂咧咧：我满意？！关我什么事？难道你要我们上流社会的贵族家庭跟一个手提包联姻吗？跟一个火车站休息室成为亲家？！再见！
让我们来总结一下这位贵族丈母娘的择婿标准吧：性格跟女儿互补，有钱并且财产有升值空间，在城里中心地段有房，出生好（门当户对）。此剧于1895年写成，讲的是一个孤儿暴发户小伙不被丈母娘接受的故事。同类故事还有1925年的美国小说《了不起的盖茨比》，一个全美首富的出生不好的暴发户帅小伙不被女朋友接受的故事。
在那个纸醉金迷的时代，女人们居然不仅只看男人的钱和房，还要看出生、相貌。而现在，只看钱了，连唯一的底线都没有了。
哎……
抄袭须谨慎，欢迎引用。